Winging It.

Winging it consists of planning a trip the night before on Facebook, never talking to the person until that day in math, driving 3 and a half hours to Scottsdale, not making bathroom stops so there's no chance of being late, waiting in line for 20 minutes, buying matching shirts, standing in the back of the room, sitting on some comfy couches, leaving and waiting out back in the alley, avoiding a drunk man, talking to a guy smoking a cigarette, being to nervous to go up to anyone and ask for anything, planning a sleepover, trying to start to say 'hi' but stopping because they look busy, waiting, getting pictures with Jon, as well as autographs, reluctantly leaving, driving around the block in circles, going back into the alleyway and jumping out of the car to get a picture with Ryan, even though he was busy and wanted to go back inside, waiting for 5 minutes because Mary was busy trying to find a parking spot and did NOT get to meet Ryan, avoiding all of the creepy guido-looking Scottsdale men hanging around, hopping into the car, finally making a bathroom stop after 7 hours and filling up the car, driving home, going to 3 gas stations at 3 in the morning to find that they are not open, driving home with hardly any gas left, sneaking in quietly so dad won't wake up, getting ready for bed, sleep.

That was my Friday/early Saturday in a whirlwind. It was one of the best nights ever, and I met one of the best people ever. We all ready plan to see TYV again in summer with Rooney, and again when they tour in the fall. We're concert buddies for life. We rock at winging stuff. I never expected to wait for 3 hours outside just to cross meeting Ryan Ross and Jon Walker off of my life goals. Brendon Urie and Spencer Smith are totally next. I would like to live last night on repeat forever and ever. It was an adventure, and a damn good one.

Open Happiness

Won some concert tickets today. Discussed the possibility of having to put Blacky down. Got told by my parents that they wouldn't take me to the concert. Got offered a ride to the concert by a really cool girl who also wears a Keltie Colleen mantra cuff. It's been a day full of up's and down's and I'm still not able to end it because I have to finish a research paper. Days like this make it hard to be optimistic, but I can still manage it.

Karma.

Kyle and I won second place in NHD. We're going to Washington, D.C. in June. I dropped my phone in the toilet. I dropped my laptop on the ground. Neither works right now. I don't understand my karma. I never do anything mean (as far as I know), and I just don't see why this always happens. I'm incredibly frustrated, because no one's realizing that yes, my laptop is pretty much going to die soon, and it kind of is a big deal, seeing as I use it for everything, especially talking to my friends, since you know... I live in the middle of nowhere. I'm basically prepared to just waste my college money on a new one when this one does die. I didn't want to, but it'll probably be necessary. I hate how my fantastic and surprising day (we didn't expect to even make it into round 2, and we ended up qualifying for nationals) somehow turns sour. This always happens. No one understands how frustrating it is. I accomplish something I'm proud of, and it just gets completely buried with double the amount of negative things. I try so hard to remain positive, so I'm pretty sure a few moments of negativity aren't going to hurt. I know it's just a laptop and a phone, all material possessions that don't effect my real happiness. They'll effect my short term happiness, but overall, in a few years it won't matter. It's just frustrating that I'm never allowed to have a full day of being able to be proud of myself.

I'm talented at being normal, and I hate it. I'm talented at doing nothing, and I hate it. When I finally find something I can be talented at, I don't even get to enjoy it. Sometimes, I wonder why I never get to, and then I remember, I'm just not supposed to be talented at anything. No matter how hard I try not to live a normal life and make things interesting and fun, and try to find a talent, it's always just pushed away. It. Sucks.

I just need sleep.