I'm falling to pieces.

IN A TOTALLY WICKED WAY.

I realized that I never blog when I'm extremely happy and post details about my happy times. I only blog when I have a ton of things resting on my shoulders that just need to be thrown SOMEWHERE, which just happens to be this blog. Now that I've been happier than usual and having even MORE fun, I just haven't felt the need to blog. I write little blogs in my head about my life, all the good pieces, but I just never get around to posting them up here. I should probably try that.

But, I am alive and well and happy and content. It's nice to feel this way. And when I received my report card, I had grades I was proud of. Nothing below a B! And 4 A's. 4/6 is very good. I'm not too sure about Chemistry this semester, but I need one challenging class, and this is going to be it. Though I'm sure putting film on a reel in the dark is going to be just as challenging. Oh man.

Angel does not like webcam photo sessions. My hand and I found that out the hard way. Oh well.

And it might be magical,

It's amazing how much better some new clothes can make you feel. Shopping really is a cure for women. Haha. I am totally ready to start a new quarter, and NOT mess up in math again. I had an A the whole quarter, and in the last week I dropped down to a B. I am so angry with myself over it, but I'm not going to worry too much about it. I just have to not get so distracted so easily, that's all.

I realized that there are going to be people in the world you can't stand. They are just the most self-centered people EVER and they only ever want to talk about themselves and complain about themselves and other people and hate the people that aren't like them. Those are the people who can't open their minds and accept that everybody is different. I can't stand those people, but I accept how they think and how they act. You can't avoid them, and you just have to deal with them. As frustrating as they may be, you have to just get over it and deal. I hate having to do this with so many people, but I do, and it's fine. I can't stand them, but they interest me. They're just another kind of people that I get to study and learn about and learn how to live with. It interests me, no matter how much it angers me.

I guess my "calling" as some would describe it is what forces me to deal with these people. I want to do psychology, so why not be familiar with all sorts of characters? That's what high school pretty much is - one huge social experiment/psychology project. I'm not going to complain. As frustrating and stressful as it may be, I'm learning and advancing and overcoming things I never thought I could. I'm so different from the girl that got off the bus at 6:45 in August 2008. I've never been this confident and comfortable with myself before, and each day is getting better. I'm happier, and I'm refusing to let petty girls bother me. I don't need to be stressed out over these little things.

I'm changing and aging and I'm happily accepting it. I'm leaving that angsty, brooding, unconfident girl behind me and moving forward. Sure, I have my awkward moments, but I'm getting over them and it's all going to work out for me.

Operation Beautiful

I know what it's like not to feel beautiful, but knowing that there are sites like Operationbeautiful.com out there just make me feel so good about myself again. I have gotten so defensive when my friends have said some girl is ugly, because chances are she's more beautiful than them just based on her personality alone.

Every girl is beautiful, and they just need to realize it and believe it when someone tells them that. It hurts so much to know that there are girls out there who have looked at themselves in the mirror and cried because they don't feel pretty enough. I've been there, I know what it feels like. But I've had good family and friends to help me believe otherwise and stop criticizing myself when I look in the mirror, and just start complimenting myself. It makes me feel ten times better about myself. That's why instead of insulting people throughout the day, compliment them on a good quality they have, because everyone has at least one.

11:11

I think I'm going to give up on my 11:11 wish I make everyday in school. It's always the same: 'I wish that the rest of the day is a good day'. I'll just let you know, it normally turns out the exact opposite. How come wishes never come true?

Right now I have an insane amount of homework to do in just one night, and there's not enough time to do it. I never really cry because it makes me feel weak, but at the same time it makes me feel better, so I think maybe I'll let it out for once. Maybe that's why I'm so frustrated, because I always hold it in when I have to cry.

Either way, it's only Wednesday. I shouldn't be on the breaking point until at least Thursday.

i know you can't hear me anymore.

Just a song that makes it feel even colder outside.

I'm kicking my homework's butt, and now I have to kick the dishwasher's butt a little bit before I can finish off the homework.

I Won't Apologize

I am kind of in love with Selena Gomez' new album. You know, the one with her band? I sometimes find it hard to relate to songs from artists, because they're always about love and all that stuff, but this was way more relatable to me, especially 'I Won't Apologize'. Story of my life right there. I love it when I can relate to music like that, when a song just speaks out to you. It makes music so much more enjoyable.

Today in Key Club we got our UNICEF trick or treat boxes, where you collect the money when yoiu go trick or treating. I'm pretty excited, especially since I didn't get to go last year, and this year I get to do it AND raise money for kids that need it. I actually all ready got a few dollars from my parents, which I'm not complaining about. All of this Key Club stuff helped me realize that while I'm not talented in anything like dance or singing or music or drawing, I'm pretty talented when it comes to helping people, and that's perfectly fine with me. I think joining Key Club was one of the best decisions I've made, since I finally get community service hours, I finally got to be part of a club, and I'm actually making a bit of a difference. I won't be able to change anybody's lives emotionally through songs and dances, but I can certainly do it physically.

Its the last week before first quarter ends, and I'm feeling a little stressed. I'm behind on math, english, german, history, photo, and chemistry. So, all of my subjects. I have until Thursday, basically, to finish all of the work I missed last week and this weeks, and I'm hoping I can manage it. It just requires a bit of a push from myself. I really need to stop procrastinating, that's all.

Oh, and ever since I cleaned my room yesterday, I've felt a little bit more organized and at peace. A clean room really does make me happy, which I'm not going to complain about. It's also nice because the weather is cooling down a bit (in southern Arizona standards) and we have our windows open all day when we're home. So, in all, I have a fresh, clean room. No complaints from me about that at all.

Right now I'm kind of thinking about changing up the color of my hair. Not like dying it brown or blonde or anything - I'm definitely staying a redhead. I kind of want to dye it maybe a deeper red or add some color in it, like blonde-ish highlights, seeing as there's some blonde in my hair all ready. I just don't know what would look better. I'm at a total loss. I hope I can figure it out sooner or later. Maybe.

"I think I always disappoint people because they always expect someone very pretty, very done." - Keira Knightley